All in a Box

All in a box or all in a picture?
If a picture tells a thousand words, than what could this picture be saying?

The stress of moving!

Yes the stress of a move can be at times of: grit your teeth, kick a few walls and...you get the picture..however....

My first move or the move that has has the greatest impact on my life and  has  the most meaning to me, was when my family picked up all we could and loaded onto a Greyhound bus. This, back in the early '70's when I was barely out of diapers...
I don't quite remember things as they happened, but who would at 4 months shy of 3 years old.  However as my mom would tell things {and she was a great story teller} with the rumble of the bus engine coming up through the toilet bowl, as she would tell it, I thought I was a gonner when I went to sit on it...
Now there does not tell the whole story, but it makes for a good opening line...
In this current move however, everything started out to set the stage for a well planned event, but how quickly things can turn, because even though we knew well in advance that a move was nessacary, not only financially but also one that would give our little Emily the freedom of movement by the use of her "pacer walker" indoors that she so rightly deserves.

Yes this is a church picture, but if you look ever so closely, it the lower right corner of the stage, you might see Emily being guided along in a Christmas song.
This is what she needs and so too desires, as is witnessed by the sparkle in her eye every Sunday.  Even though her mobility restricts what she can do, it is quite evident in her smile and gaze, her love for life.
So this, if for no other reason, for her was a move of convenience.

School is another story....

As every child should have the opportunity to go to school at the earliest opportunity, this for Emily isn't going to be a reality something that was afforded her older sister.  However because Emily has a disability that requires her to have aids in the classroom, she can not go because of funding cuts for the disabled.
Now, what's wrong with that picture....

An Introspective Look

What are the first thoughts when taking; an introspective look at life?.....who we are as a person, how we represent ourselves to others...and do they see Jesus through us?

Those are my first thoughts anyway....and however they may differ from the person across the room, that's too, what make us unique individuals.

If there is fault within me that can single me out in a crowd, it is that I tend to stand back away from the limelight, if I can put it that way.

I have always been one to take a "backseat" because as I was taught, and it is something that still haunts me today is that; "other people have bigger life difficulties than me, so mine should take a backseat" and "what I want in life is only "a pipe dream" so why bother even thinking it!
 
As much as I don't want them too, they have been "haunted words" that have taken me down!

So "an introspective look" for me, means to somehow look outside the box; introspective; absorb my surroundings, reflect on my perception of how others see me, meanwhile I sit like a timid mouse in the corner waiting to be preyed upon by bigger and "more important" influential factors; waiting while they crush me down!

This goes deep within my head, like a throbbing pain that I can't rid myself of....I want...so much to give back, but I have had so many dreams crushed by various factors......and as time slowly ticks away.....I so want this to be my legacy...

The pathway I have traveled, the pitfalls I have encountered, the struggles to get back and the rewards at the end of the journey...

Would I have wanted life any other way than it has been?

This my journey, my story, and NO, through all of the ups and downs, I WOULDN'T change a thing!

I trust in an All Knowing GOD, that has an "everyday:" plan, and though HE may hand us things that are going "out of control," He doesn't throw us anything we can not handle~

 

Inspiration ='s Motivation

Emily born August 1st 2010

What inspires?
What drives motivation? 
If not for the love of an innocent child's fight for survival.
When minutes count more than hours or days; within various circumstances what would be the outcome?
Things can turn in the blink of an eye; when all of a sudden gone something so good can turn extremely bad or even tragic.

IN PART; THIS LITTLE GIRL IS WHAT MY WRITING HAS BEEN ABOUT; consumed by love and life.

What she is today is nothing short of miraculous, but if we were to have listened to the "professionals" a few short days before she was born at 36 weeks, simply put, she wouldn't!

She wouldn't be; here trying her find her purpose, because though she hasn't the words to say, she is packed with personality and pint-sized spunk.

But more than instinct, listening to God...In my personal "quiet-time" prayer life, through HIS WORD, and was guided through the prayers of HIS people.

Godly wisdom and guidance, I couldn't have made it through without.

Much like, I would imagine, the rallying cry around my mom when Gods people took her hand; for the perpetrator of the crime of "hit and run" to be caught so many years before and justice to be served.

In short; "A Lifetime Commitment" is what the title suggests; a lifetime is a mere drop in the bucket for what GOD has in store for this little life.

And though she may need, physical, occupational, speech therapy, school assistance all in a lifetime of struggle to become the person God created her to be, but she too is here to prove the expectations of the doctors wrong!


 Inspiration ='s Motivation





 

Reason for Writing; Celebrating the Trials!!

Celebrating the trials of life....is like taking one big stumble and trying with all your might to go forward.

Anything is possible, but at the time, it one hard and challenging experience, but if you don't get back up, you'd be in an even greater predicament!

I don't even want to think where I'd be if; and in anybodies life there are challenges of varying degrees and a mountain of "what if's"

So, what if;

We weren't governed by a great and merciful God

What if;  as a very small child my family stayed in Lumby rather than coming through the hills on route to Vancouver on a Greyhound Bus
What if; we hadn't stayed with relatives for a period of time upon our arrival
What if; once settled, I hadn't had a run in with a car that would ultimately change my life and those around me forever
What if; my brother wasn't mentally delayed; who would he be today
What if; because of my disability, we didn't have to move again to make things a "little" more accessible
What if; my life wasn't rocked again, when "because situations in the classroom" I was thought to have a mental disturbance
What if; that hadn't forced me to be pushed back a year; looked down upon because my age group didn't understand all the "whys" as I didn't either
What if; that didn't changed my perception of school
What if; I really took school seriously and studied, who would I have become
What if; I didn't wander after high school by plane, train and automobile
What if; I didn't think and try to harm myself; multiple ways and multiple times; like intentionally j-walking across a major street and getting hit by a city bus
What if; though I worked long and hard hours, I didn't stay out even later, didn't get home or didn't even sleep for a few nights in a row
What if; depression didn't hunt me down
What if; that didn't force me to relocate
What if; I didn't finally meet someone so much me
What if; we never had children
What if one of our children didn't have severe disabilities, more severe than our own
What if; we stop trying to beat the odds

WHAT IF;

Information Required

Researching for an idea can be long and painstaking work, but when the ideas are drawn right from the pages of your own life.....

And however dramatic a life may not be, there always is something to add, something to learn and something to be taken away.

The freedom of sight, the freedom of movement, the freedom of speech or the freedom of memories are all key elements in the makeup of an individual, but sometimes, a lot of times, it is personality that wins out!

Personality is character, and if nothing else, character is quite often times what makes the person who they are...when the the above attributes are taken away or weren't there to begin with..

Personality verses character; are they not the same thing....yes and no!!!

Personality, is the person and their ideals, where as character is what separates; unique qualities that no one else can posses in the same way!

Personality and character or quality traits; the gentleness of caring and sharing are first what comes to mind, as this is what I was taught from an early age. Caring for those who have taken something out of their lives to care for you...
 
Time, is something we can never get back, but the memories. oh the memories, the stories are what is passed down in hopes that they will live on and inspire future generations; for success and change!

Influence, who had make an impact....God, parents, family and the friends we keep....are all good places to start, because without those four elements where would we be?

NOWHERE!!!

If there was or there is no belief in the God of the heavens... 
 
PARENTS, where would we be without our parent; biological or otherwise;  when everything is falling apart, who do we turn to for help?  They have given us guidance from an early age, have been our influence that would have a growing impact on our lives.

Our parent, whether here or passed, have and will continue to make an impact on our lives.....as the impact they have ingrained into our being says who we are because without them we wouldn't be!

FAMILY, however the makeup of our families, we couldn't do without....does it really matter if they aren't the most intelligent or pretty.....

What is the make up of my family; coming from grass roots living on a farm to the big city what was made;  a nurse who married a salesman, but after 18 years of marriage and three children, the salesman passes away from throat cancer.....
Their son has a brain tumor at an early age which in his youth takes his sight, but for which would eventually take his life..
Their eldest daughter; born with scoliosis, develops an abscess in her ear which significantly reduces her ability to hear.
She marries a blind fellow and they move back to the country; their marriage lasts all of ten years and two children.
Their son, born with severe epilepsy, behavioral issues and intellectual disabilities
Their daughter, while born a healthy child is met with hit and run complications as a young child leaving her to learn the basics all over again.

FRIENDS; those friends we keep or keep us, say a lot  of who we become or maybe not...

The Right Time To Right

Evaporated youth, where did it go?
Lost somewhere between the insecurities of....
But for the love of...someone very special

The journey of our lives, marked by misery mystery and treasure found along the way...
leaving a leaf strewn path to mark our way....the fragrant aroma of loved ones coming in and leaving our lives...says a lot of  who we are....if only by the impression, the marks they imprint...as they journey through...the joys and sadness shared.as they depart on their journey home...we are here only but a short time....

As I ramble through thoughts and memories, what arises but the reality of what I did or didn't accomplish through all my growing years, but as my time reaches its middle ground, who says that that growth has to stop as I tarry on...my journey has seen its far amount, but who am I to compare with those who have more or less than I, let me then be every thankful for; the life I have, that God has given because just as easily,  HE can take it all away




HE is however, the one true God, a god of hopes, dreams and desires, but too HE is there to watch and help us through every agonizing defeat!

Defeat has its many forms; a life choice, a lot of choices we make or don't make along the way, but defeat can also be a representation of how deal with life's circumstance, because life is all or nothing of what we had first envisioned if we had dream-pt at all? 

The right time to Write;under the covers in my youth or as silly as this may sound, sheltered between the walls of a high school washroom stall as foot steps rumble down the halls...continuing down my life's journey, I somewhat sheltered myself with in the pages of a book of fantasies or fairy-tails,  but the ability to transform into some thing or someone I wasn't, there I found the world of dramatic arts, somewhere I could excell and dream of being a movie star...

And I tried.....getting a lot out of life or so I thought by living on my own for a few years, so in my early 20's, what did I do; getting mad at my boss for his personal choice of sexual orientation and I'll leave the comment right there, quitting my job, packing my bags and leaving for the great unknown...I had traveled on my own before, on a plane to L A and this was where I thought I wanted to make my home.

Foolish, maybe, but there I wanted to give it my best shot, until I was turned away the a border crossing because I looked younger and more foolish than I though....

Funny how events unfold, because what followed was many years of depression, some of which even to this day is hard to shake...

But all leads somewhere, and there I find the pages of my work......

A simple snap shot of "A Lifetime Commitment"

As I've always stated and so too believed; "Everything in life, happens for a reason," and in saying so, as scripture states; "God does not give us anything we can not handle."

However, even so and very much true, sometimes I just have to scream out, WHY!

The many whys in life, we'll never fully understand until we see our Savior face to face.  What a glorious day  that will be, when my Jesus I shall see!

But for now, I take the good with the bad, praising HIM for every moment of every day!

Yes, the moments I write about are down to earth and "real life" moments, therefore I don't want to mix words, because, to me, life moments should be factual  accounts!

My life; what is so special about my life that I would want to write about?

PASSION
The "passion for life" comes from a real understanding of life from all sides! 

Was there failure through "life's" temptations; but of course, and that's what makes it so real!

I am not afraid of failure, but in the same breathe, I am not afraid of telling the world I failed!

SUCCESS
I am not afraid of success, but one to boost about it either!

I just just "DO" what needs to be done and if I am given praise, I take it humbly because as I view things, I am no different than the other guy.

DIFFERENCES
We all have unique differences, and so the world turns!
Rich and poor...
However; affluence shouldn't be influence, but sometimes.....so the world turns!

DYNAMICS
Is about what make up a "family" unit.

1. marriage/divorce
2. Christ at the center of the home and every decision made
3. Cancer 
4. Disability; blindness/vision problems {multiple times over} back issues {scoliosis,}epilepsy {multiple times over} motor vehicle hit and run, head trauma, depression, life and death struggle, cerebral palsy {multiple times over}  and hydrocephalus
5. how 'all" affects the home
6. watching others and their lives crumble
7. job success and failure
8. adoption trial and failure
9. the love for life and the undying hope for children

 Somewhere is a story or two.......

A (SPECIAL) Interpratation of LIFES ABC'S

• ATTITUDE - BY INSTILLING A STRONG ATTITUDE, LET NOTHING STAND IN THESE CHILDREN'S WAY!!!
• BATTLE - THEIR LIFE IS A BATTLE, BUT TOO, IT IS A GIFT THAT SHOULD NOT BE OVERLOOKED
• CEREBRAL PALSY - SIGNALS TO THE BRAIN ARE SOMEHOW LOST; MEANING THEIR MUSCLES DON'T WORK IN THE SAME OR AT THE SAME TIME
• DESIRE - THE DESIRES OF LIFE SHOULD BE NO DIFFERENT THAN THAT OF THE NON-DISABLED, LET THAT NOT BE TO THEIR DISADVANTAGE!
• EVERYTHING - THEY TO SHOULD HAVE THE RIGHT AND THE GIVEN OPPORTUNITY FOR THEIR (EVERYTHING) IN LIFE
• FORESIGHT - IS FOR THE KNOWLEDGE THAT THEIR (SPECIAL NEEDS) WILL PROBABLY NEVER GO AWAY, BUT INCREASE OVER TIME!
• GUMPTION - IS A SPECIAL DESIRE AND ZEAL 
• HYDROCEPHALUS - TOO  MUCH FLUID IN THE BRAIN WHICH SQUEEZING OUT ITS LIFE IF NOT CONTROLLED BY A SHUNT
• INDICATIONS -  KNOW PROBLEMS ASSOCIATED WITH A MALFUNCTIONING SHUNT; RESTLESSNESS, TIRED EYES, VOMITING, SEIZURES
• JUSTIFY - EVERY QUESTION SHOULD HAVE A JUSTIFIABLE ANSWER
• KINDNESS - BE KIND, DO NOT TEASE OR BULLY!!!
• LOVE - EVERYONE IS DESERVING OF
• MISUNDERSTANDING - ASK QUESTIONS, DON NOT ASSUME WHAT THE ANSWER TO BE
• (K)NOWLEDGE) IS ASKING QUESTIONS
• OPENNESS - BE OPEN, ASK QUESTIONS, BUT DO SO WITH UNDERSTANDING
• PLAY - EVERY CHILD SHOULD HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO PLAY EVEN WITH THEIR SPECIAL MODIFICATIONS IN MIND.
• QUESTIONS  - IT IS ALRIGHT TO HAVE AND ASK QUESTIONS
• RIGHTS - EVERY ONE HAS THE RIGHT, NO ONE IS ALWAYS RIGHT!!
• SPECIAL - YES, THESE CHILDREN MIGHT HAVE SPECIAL NEEDS, BUT PLEASE, TREAT THEM NO DIFFERENT THAT OTHER CHILDREN!!
• TOUGH - LIFE FOR ANYONE IS TOUGH, BUT THESE KIDS ARE TOUGH FOR WHAT THE HAVE AND WILL FOREVER HAVE TO GO THROUGH, SO DO NOT MAKE LIFE TOUGHER FOR THEM!!!
• UNDERSTANDING - TAKE THE TIME, MAKE THE TIME TO UNDERSTAND
• VIBRANT - IS THE LOVE FOR LIFE THAT SHOULD NEVER BE TAKEN FOR GRANTED
• X-FACTOR - EXPLORE AND CHALLENGE
• YES I CAN - JUST BECAUSE LIFE HAS HANDED THESE CHILDREN SPECIAL CHALLENGES, NEVER STOP THEM FROM HAVING THE (YES I CAN) ATTITUDE.
• ZEAL- BECAUSE OUR CHILDREN, ALL CHILDREN HAVE A SPECIAL WAY ABOUT THEM - TO LEARN AND TO UNDERSTAND THE WORLD, LET US NOT TARNISH THAT BY OUR SOMETIMES ONE-SIDED  ADULT THINKING!!!