Kids Can't Wait To Have A Family

BE COMPLETELY HUMBLE AND GENTLE, BE PATIENT, BEARING WITH ONE ANOTHER IN LOVE.

EPHESIANS 4:2

That is what we lived for; my husband and I, or at least I did....the chance at giving one disadvantaged child a stable home.
  That was June 7, 2006.  Thinking back, I think it was March when I had originally emailed for an information package, and soon after made it a point that we, or I make it to the information session.

"We invite you to attend and hear about the Adoption Process and BC's Waiting Children." the information letter read.

And it was on September 25, 2006 that we were informed by letter that there was a seat awaiting us at the Adoption Education Program that October and November.

"A Family Assessment,"education surrounding adoption issues, is what it read, but to us it wasn't like a personal assessment, rather, a personal attack if you will, at our ability to conduct the most basic of health care on the most, a vulnerable child.

However, that was to come later, the personal attacks at our ability and character.  And that is exactly what it was!

An agenda of classroom style teaching with a variety of guest presenters, panel presentations, videos, group exercises as well as teaching by a facilitator.

Because my husband, Michael has issues surrounding his epilepsy and migraines evening did not work for him, so the only other option was to give up his precious Saturdays of which he wasn't a fan, but..
he did it anyway.

Grumble, grumble grumble, to satisfy me anyway....but admittedly he did learn things along the way, and run into people we knew from the church that we attend.

And then there were the home visits......

However to back track, a bit....because, not myself personally, but by some the thought was that because we had a disability, we were therefore lacking the abilities to take care of special needs children.....

And that was in theory how the intake worker saw things......she did do her job in asking us all kinds of questions, but to really know us and we were capable of.....she did not bother to see us run any of our daily routines.

Was she blind to the facts as we presented them and the was we prejected ourselves? 

Without a doubt.....YES!

But as hard as it was; just like the scripture says;  hearing the call of God on our lives....we were patient and with that displaying a kind heart to all of the nay-Sayers.

And there were many...

However, we pressed one....all for not....maybe.....at least in the eyes of the British Columbia's  Ministry for Children and Families.

So to us, our first born; Ellie-Marie was much more than a blessing~~~

TO THIS DAY, WE ARE THANKFUL FOR OUR BLESSING, HOWEVER I AM TOO SORRY, THAT THOSE IN AUTHORITY DIDN'T SEE IT OUR WAY~~

Organizing My First "Soon to be In Print" Manuscript

 

A LIFETIME COMMITMENT

Lose money to make money,; and boy, have I lost a lot, but on the flip side, I WOULDN'T change a thing!

Things happened; sure they did, but, I have learned a great deal too!

With God, and sadly without God in it!

Making it on my own and unfortunately or maybe fortunately, I did make some hard mistakes that I have to live with and that have made an impact on my life!

For the better, I might add, but at the time, I didn't think so!

Who ever thinks that it is the better when; 

• you're severely injured as a youngster ,and climb back to the point where it is expected that you remember everything prior to the accident. ( isn't going to and didn't happen)
• try so hard in school to be accepted, that you throw a fit and (remember that is was back in the early 1970's) that you smacked with a ruler in the behind by the teacher for kicking over another students game.
• being taunted or bullied because you're away from class for a medical purpose, act or do things a little differently
• having the teacher or anyone in authority mess with your head so much that you are then ordered to under go weeks of unnecessary psychological medical testing.
• taunted or bullied all the more for being put back a grade, in a slower (modified) program, were consequently you straggle with classes and grades because school and "life" isn't as interesting as it used to be.
• having things that have you interest in school (Drama and English lit) and yet having other in authority tell you, basically tell you that your efforts are for not!  Respecting and listening to, an older generation and their opinions!
• having bitterness well up into raging storm of discontent, depression, suicidal thoughts, going to the point of near destruction; wanting to destroy self but nobody else along the way!
• working long hours and spending long nights, sometimes getting home in the wee hours in time for sleep and sometimes not.
• loosing everything and escaping reality
• and being able to face the mistakes and start on the long road back
• starting out a fresh and a new in a different location, making new (better) friends and the freedom from a "new start"
• life, friends and a soul mate
• marriage and the struggle for a family
• God granting us the title as "special parents" to one healthy and one not so healthy daughter

 CAN I SAY MORE.....

GOD has granted me a talent and stories to tell

I hope you are waiting in anticipation as I am.....to tell them.....

45 Years - 2003 - 2006 - 2007/2008 -2009 -2010

What is it about "dates?"

OK, so I am 45 years young...

2003, the year when Michael and I were wed.
2006, the year when we tried to adopt.
2008, the year I turned 40
2009, the year Ellie-Marie was born

2010, the year Emily was born

Those in between years.....between 2003 and 2008 were....years full of indecision and life questions

Myself born a healthy child, was struck as a small child, was on the curve of life and death afterward for a few weeks, worked like no one should have to work, to regain all or most all of the abilities I had beforehand.

To give myself an extra push of self-worth, I worked to prove my abilities and that I wasn't about to let anyone turn my abilities into {disabilities .}  Knowing that I was always at a slight disadvantage, made me want to work that much harder to prove that I was more than capable.

Head injury aside and for the inconvenience  of having a weakened right side and a right hand that all but useless, I was out to prove that I wasn't any different than the strongest he-man alive!

And I did pretty well, as I held down various driving jobs; one of which my brother (learning disabled) himself and living in a group home at the time (back in the late 1980's) brought my abilities to the attention of one of the home which was in  desperate need of a "client driver."

I fit the bill, I guess, as for the next year I was driving two autistic young men to and from their daily activities. One of the men was fairly calm except for the various times he would just get out of my vehicle when I would come to a stop, be it at a traffic light or when I turned off the engine, I'd better be ready to give chase!

The other fellow...he wore a protective helmet because he often times would bang his head for minutes a time as hard as he could against whatever, wall, table, person...whatever....and even though he didn't wear protective underwear as he should have, he would often times have accidents in the back seat of my car.

Oh, the joys....however...

And then the millennium arrived, the 2000....Michael and I would first meet at church and there after, marry three years later, April 19, 2003.


The issue of us starting a family was a hot button topic, as there brought out all of the "what if's."

What if; the child was "normal" how would he cope, as Michael himself had dealt with the issue surrounding cerebral Palsy, epilepsy, migraines, low vision; resulting in an inability to focus, thus he can not read above a lower grade level.

Where as, I just wanted to prove all of the; "why nots?"   Why couldn't we just because we had all that against us.....

The years led to unresolved issues being rehashed.....and opening unresolved wounds was....

So, with everything swirling in our heads; I took it upon myself to see what the requirements were to foster or adopt.

March 2006, I sent for and did we receive a introductory package as to the adoption process.

Thereafter, it was months of classes and home visits with the anticipation that we'd one day welcome a home needy child into our fold...

Talk about; stress..I don't know what have could have been more..frustrating...

The frustration came when; we were looked at and or told, that we didn't fit the bill...To get more than half way through the schooling process only to be told....that we weren't "good enough" because we were at a slight disadvantage; lacking the abilities required, among other health issues; brought all of the "what ifs" all over again...

For half of us anyway, I was just furious....and more determined than before....

I was never one for doing something daring, but in 2007 brought a on-line contest I couldn't pass up, for the opportunity to attend a National Hockey League game; it was to win; two tickets to a December 26, 2007 Vancouver Canucks vs Calgary Flames hockey game at then General Motors Place; plus a trip to Disneyland including airfare, hotel, a rental car and three days in the Magic Kingdom.

Imagine my surprise when we received that phone call; that We had Won!

I'll never forget the words of our pastors wife, saying to expect "good things" which I didn't see to mean that we'd be "expecting" by the time of the Disneyland trip, but....We had to be at the airport for a 8am flight, so during our stop over night in a Vancouver Airport hotel, we emailed and face-booked as many people as we could with our news.

The following 2009 January; we welcomed Ellie-Marie into our lives.

And 2010, there would be our little Emily Irene...with all of the complications...plus more....that had so worried  Michael.

Another "Sick Day"

One of many, there will be; just a day that she does not want to be bugged by her big sister, but to Ellie, Emily is and will always be her "sweety pie!"
That's what she calls her!
Ellie loves her little sister and even though she does not have a full understanding of all of the medical issues, Ellie does understand that Emily had a multitude of doctors looking after her.
JESUS IS THE GREAT HEALER!!!
The morning started by what sounded like her convulsing, but...
like a lot of her "sick days" it is just a wait and see game.

If she responds well to her medicines; just inhalers, thank goodness nothing else, but if she doesn't than it is; off to hospital we go

This was a sickly looking Emily on one of her recent hospital visits just before Christmas....  because we just never know, if it is a virus or her shunt acting up....

Understanding Is Large Even For The Very Young

 

 "Emily's hospital" that is how her older sister,then 17 month old Ellie knew of Children's Hospital.

Every time a spot came on television about the hospital or someone would ask her that was what her response would be...

During Emily first few months of life, after she was discharged from Abbotsford Regional Hospital, where she was a transfer from BC Children's at 4 days old and thereafter when she was given a discharge from Abbotsford Regional at 12 days old, we would make trips four/five times a week back to Children's; a 70 km one way trip or 85 minutes in good traffic.
Living in what is know as the "Fraser Valley" and only one "real" highway, Highway One, we opted for the earliest appointments, which meant we had to leave before, sometimes 6 am.
Emily's appointment eventually slowed down, when, after they had more clarity as to her medical conditions.  This was at about 12 to 18 months of age.
Or, just a little over one year ago.
However in saying so, we couldn't have done without the intervention of the Fraser Valley Development Center, as they have hooked her up with so many additional services; Sunny Hill's vision clinic never mind all the therapy Emily has had from the center.   She began her therapeutic journey at 4/5 months of age and it continues today.

This, was June 2012, when Emily received her first walker.
With Emily's never ceasing enthusiasm, it took her a while to get the hang of things, with her legs getting stronger by the day and however long it would take her to master the small walker, a good 4 months of push, straining and getting her feet to do the same. she too had to focus on the task at hand by wearing her prescription glasses, but because of her eye condition due to her hydrocephalus, wearing her glasses she found more of a bother as they just helped her eyes from going cross.
In saying so, Ellie now just over 4 years has a greater knowledge of someone her age with a sister with multiple challanges

The VP shunt and a CP Connection

With the frequent doctor and children's hospital visits as a part of our lives; like anyone in our situation with a sick child, we've come to make the best of what we  know as our reality.

The more we know, the better able we are to cope with daily situations as they present themselves.

What a difference this change of location has made for Emily, now she can feel the freedom of going in and out under her own feet!
The space to move!
Going to and from; feeling the wind beneath her feet!!  
The simple joys we so take for granted, yet for someone like Emily, each moment of every day, the thought has to be entertained.....what if this is to be her last?
In the early days, the doctors didn't even give us much if any hope that there would even be an Emily.
I don't know, but for the very people it is that we trust our lives, the only one true hope we have is, in the Lord, Jesus Christ!
Sometimes it makes me wonder, what would happen if there were no god under heaven?
Any way, that is a long and drawn out thought, one which I am not ready to address.

We are ever thankful that God has granted her the space to breathe, yes, however in a body that does not move like every other 2 1/2 year old, but she takes every day and makes of it what she can.

We  have no chains on her; wanting her to experience everything life has for her!

Before Emily was born, the doctors were telling us more information than we wanted to know, but what we did know, she had hydrocephalus, which required a shunt at 4 months of age and a revision at 23 months of age.  Because of the severity of her hydrocephalus grade IV, told us that she would have cerebral palsy, but to what severity we didn't know.  

She has been somewhat delayed in every area; raising her head at 8 months, sitting alone at 14 months, kneeling to stand at 20month s, cruising at 28 months......talking; she doesn't but make sounds, however she is otherwise very smart as she understands everything said to her....

My Reasons for Writing; The Love For Family

Sometimes it is the "little things" that are the most meaningful; and to me it was the date stamped on my daughters first art project she had done in preschool; "Family Project."

September 25, minus the 2012 was my grandmothers birth date but even so, and even though she passed away in February of 2002, just the stamped date said to me that she was still here! 

With the events leading up to her death; she was dealing with dementia and mini strokes for a few years before 2001 Christmas night.  The night was made up of a few of us gathered at the kitchen table, but what made it extra special for me, was that I fed what would be her last meal at home; a home cooked spaghetti dinner. 

Christmas morning at 8am, a howl was heard from her room as the paramedics were called in by her care aide as she was in the midst of having a major stroke.  

She lived on IV fluids for the next five weeks until she succumb to the ravages of the trauma.

Still here in spirit; was my husbands mom as she too had passed away, but when my daughter was presented with this, her first project, the first person I thought to put on it was she.  Undying love and an understanding of the kind of person she was, we were trying to make real for a little girl who looked to the last photo taken of his mom with an Australian backdrop with a blank stare.

And with a gaze heaven ward, the thoughts expressed were; "I wish she were here to meet you!"  But as you grow older, you'll begin to understand the reasons surrounding her death. 

 A dream 50th anniversary European vacation with stops in Australia and New Zealand which would turns to tragedy when at 10 days in his dear beloved would succumb to a brain hemorrhage.

In the next photo, a group photo was taken at my brothers wedding. 

Continuing down, was a photo taken in June 2012 of myself and my daughter Ellie at Niagara Falls. 

The next photo, again a group photo at Niagara Falls.  

Next was a two year old photo of grandpa Gerry and Ellie, on one of his trips to the west coast of Canada.

The return favor, was our trip to southern Ontario in June of 2012.

And there is a three day old Emily in the  fine care of BC Children's Hospital of where she is still an outpatient today.

The last photo on Ellie's first art project, is a photo of both Ellie and Emily, there about eight weeks old at my brothers in-laws and another grandpa Gerry visit.
 
All is there to inspire an idea!

One Picture that tells a Thousand Words

If there was to be a beginning to my writing journey; this picture, I think says it all in a nutshell.

Having some history behind it which I have never hidden,  because, really, my an open book!

Just ask and I could go on for hours...

So. here goes the history behind the photo

Taken sometime within the spring/summer of 1973 at SunnyHill Health Center which is a branch of BC Children's Hospital and where I spent the good part of 6 months as a impatient and 12 years as an out patient.

I had just turned 5, when my world and the world for all those round me was turned upside down.

Back in the day when the Vancouver General Hospital had a children's ward, I was there, spending time, a lot time between the two hospitals.

In describing this photo; well, with me is my mom and my ten year old brother and this was our Sunday afternoon casual time.

Casual time; was the time after church.  The time before they got on a city bus and went home, home without me!

Me, the city bus and church, didn't quite work in that order.  After all, this was in a day, not too long ago, when handy-buses were not even thought of....so how did we get around...

By the grace of others; especially when we didn't have the availability of a car which just added to challenge!

Challenging is a good word to describe our lives back then, but one thing that  kept us going, was His Word especially were it stated; that Our Lord doesn't give us anything greater than that which we can handle!

The vastness of that scripture; a lot goes on in one persons life, but too a reliance on His Word and in His People are key elements.

His people, the church community, I can't imagine, (I could but I don't want to go there) how things would have gone without there support. Sometimes it seems as if everyone has walked away, but in the true trials of life, a true friend in there when you are in your deepest need!

The church; Broadway Church which was called Broadway Tabernacle back in the day, was instrumental in our survival after.....after the traffic accident.....the hit and run...

What some of the neighborhood children enjoyed, was to congregate in one neighbors yard that was set up like a playground.  So that's were a number of us would go who lived in the neighboring apartments.

We just lived across the street; a residential street; down from Broadway and up from 2nd Avenue on Alberta Street, when I would make that one mistake that would cost me, my memory and the use of my right hand...

My mom was a witness to it all, as she would look out our third floor window to the children and the carnage below.  It only takes a second of time, but in that second, a second when my mom had turned her back, she heard the screeching tired of a car rounding the corner.

To her shock and horror, she turned around at the moment when my lifeless body was hurtling through the air; coming to rest a half a a city block later in a gravel filled ditch!

A fist sized lump above my left eye and gravel imbedded in my head, severe head trauma, and a journey that hasn't stopped to this day...

The journey home and to church.......when back at Sunnyhill Health Center, when I was aloud home on weekends...my grandmother would drive us home, but to church....

The Sunday school bus was there;  men to carry me on and off while spending the rest of my time in a wheelchair......something, only God knew I'd one day be rid of...but the temporary it was a struggle getting me to and from; up and down....

Such things get me wondering; when my daughter Emily is at an age that she is out the nursery; hopefully like the other children at 3 years, what will happen when the other children go down stairs for their program; what will happen with Emily.

 

Packing Up and Unpacking the Boxes

Princess blanket and pillow please

 For a two year old who is lacking in mobility and vocalization, she is sure to get her point across as she motions and points.
Emily is a very smart little 2 and a half year old even with no words.
As I understand through other parents with speech delayed children, some  form a few words, but like with Emily, loose them again.
However, as the packing began, Emily made sure of it that she was right in the middle of everything.
Directing traffic if you would like!
So dramatic, with her hand motions and gestures, but she too wanted to make sure that we were picking up and packing everything!
As she peered over the chesterfield, with her hand waving in the air, pick up this and that and don't forget this or that especially her blanket princess and pillow.
As everything was pretty well packed and ready to go, glitches in the ointment always make for interesting bedfellows.
For a few hours there anyway, it looked as if we might have been  with nowhere to go after the apartment informed us that the manager that had interviewed us and who took all of our paperwork was fired and the interim manager had no knowledge of our intention to move in!
But after everything was said and done, and a few dozen phone calls later, everything was worked out to be fine in the end.
Let's say, with even a passing thought of us having had ordered a moving truck, wit our belongings being loaded onto that truck, new tenants taking over our old suite in a matter of hours and then being told that we might now have thre intended suite for upwards of three days later...
I don't know what scared me the most the idea of the four of us having to hunker down on a park bench...because just the moving and storage costs alone would be something we could not bare!
Just having the safety and security of knowing that everything was going to work itself out in the end as worth its weight in gold!
Having bent a few feathers along the way, it was something I have no regrets in doing because in the end Emily would have the space she needed to open her wings and fly or be placed in her walker and have the ability for the first time in her life, to walk into her place of residence and have the ability, if she so chooses to wander her domain in an upright position and not just shimmy crawling on the floor..